Note: The article is based on personal experiences and observations of a close family friend.
The original story was posted in Asian Image magazine. It is important to remember that individual experiences may vary.
Introduction
Living as a Muslim girl comes with its own set of challenges and expectations. From a young age, we are taught to be ‘good Muslim girls’ and follow the teachings of our faith. However, sometimes our commitment to our faith and community can lead to feelings of isolation and confusion. In this article, I will share my personal journey as a good Muslim girl, the struggles I faced, and how I found strength and resilience amidst adversity.
Embracing Our Identity
As young Muslim girls, we are often advised by our mothers to avoid dating and relationships outside of marriage. The belief is that preserving our purity will make us more desirable within our community. Many of us, including myself, heeded this advice and turned down the advances of non-Muslims who expressed interest in us. We hoped that by following these guidelines, our community would embrace us and our efforts would lead to a happy and fulfilling marriage.
The Price of Devotion
Our commitment to our faith and the expectations placed upon us often come at a cost. We grow up celibate, with our family doctors aware of our commitment to abstinence. We work hard in school, striving for excellence, only to be met with scepticism and slander when we achieve success. Despite our efforts to lead virtuous lives, jealousy from within our own community can cause us to be shunned and marginalized.
Loneliness and the Fear of Remaining Unmarried
For some of us, the pursuit of leading a pious life has resulted in loneliness and the fear of remaining unmarried. As we approach middle age, the pressure to find a suitable partner within our faith intensifies. We watch as friends who didn’t adhere to the same principles as us find partners and start families. It can be disheartening to witness this and wonder if we will ever have the opportunity to build a family of our own.
Betrayal and Heartbreak
As good Muslim girls, we often face the harsh reality of betrayal and heartbreak. We dream of marrying someone within our faith, only to discover that some men are quick to judge and run away due to slanderous rumours and lies. Others are discouraged by their mothers, who hold biases against divorcees, even though Islam permits divorce. We find ourselves caught in a web of societal expectations and unjust treatment, leading to feelings of frustration and disappointment.
“I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” – Booker T. Washington
The Indignity of Ageism
After years of leading innocent lives, and abiding by the teachings of our faith and our mothers, we sometimes face the indignity of ageism. Men who are slightly older than us dismiss the possibility of a relationship due to our perceived inability to bear children at an older age. Despite the fact that we still have the potential to conceive by the grace of God, we find ourselves labelled as too old and undesirable.
The Loneliness of Virtue
As good Muslim girls, we have often lived lonely lives, striving to please Allah, our mothers, and the community. However, the sacrifices we make in the pursuit of virtue are frequently met with disdain and derogatory comments. It can be disheartening to witness those who have engaged in casual relationships, indulged in forbidden acts, and even struggled with substance abuse find love, acceptance, and respect within their families and communities.
A Call for Empathy and Understanding
It is important for our community to acknowledge the struggles faced by good Muslim girls. We should be met with empathy and understanding rather than judgment and exclusion. By fostering an environment of acceptance and support, we can encourage young Muslim girls to embrace their faith without fear of isolation or marginalization.
Finding Strength and Resilience
Despite the challenges we endure, many of us find strength and resilience within ourselves. We draw inspiration from our faith, the teachings of Islam, and the stories of powerful women who came before us. We realize that our worth is not defined solely by our marital status or the opinions of others. We learn to love ourselves and trust that our journey, though different from others, is meaningful and valuable.
Conclusion
As a good Muslim girl, my journey has been filled with ups and downs, challenges, and triumphs. I have experienced the pain of rejection, the loneliness of virtue, and the fear of remaining unmarried. However, I have also found strength within myself and my faith. I have learned to value my own worth and the resilience that comes from staying true to my beliefs. It is my hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others to embrace their own journeys and find the strength to overcome any obstacles they may face.